Mary Mother of God, Bradford, are now the 5th Parish in our Diocese to start the process of becoming a recognised ‘dementia-friendly Parish’.
Thank you to everyone who attended ‘Becoming a Dementia-Friendly Parish’ session on Tuesday 20th September. Growing Old Grace-fully was given such a warm welcome, which started with evening mass. 17 people each became a Dementia Friend, including two people from the local community who are not parishioners.
We discovered that many of us know people with dementia, or we may be living with the disease ourselves. It was a privilege to share our stories and, in this sharing, remove some of the fear and stigma around dementia. Being a dementia-friendly parish offers an opportunity to reach out to those who are most vulnerable and voiceless in society and to show the love of God in action.
St Joseph’s, Wetherby are now the 4th Parish in our Diocese to start the process of becoming a recognised ‘dementia-friendly Parish’.
Thank you to all the people who attended ‘Becoming a Dementia-Friendly Parish’ session on Monday 18th July. Growing Old Grace-fully was given such a warm welcome on a very warm evening, and 15 people each became a Dementia Friend.
A dementia-friendly Parish is one where people with dementia are understood, respected and supported and are confident they can contribute to Parish life.
Earlier the same day, Growing Old Grace-fully received our Award from Bradford & District Dementia Action Alliance (DAA), in recognition of our work. Here’s Trustee Ann West receiving our Certificate from Chris North of Bradford DAA.
Would you like you like your Parish to think about growing in dementia-friendliness? Please email Rachel at growing.old.gracefully@dioceseofleeds.org.uk or call 07702 255142 to book your session or find out more.
Our trustee, Ann West, was really enthusiastic about a Day Conference she attended on Compassionate Communities: Diversity in Dying at Bradford University on 16th May, as part of Death & Dying Week. The speakers were Alan Kellehear, Professor of End of Life Care at Bradford University and Mary Clear, End of Life Doula – an activist from Todmorden.
Ann writes, “Having attended this Conference with an open mind, I was riveted by the first two speakers, open mouthed in amazement.”
“Allan Kellehear is an internationally renowned speaker on the subject of end of life care, and intends to revolutionise this by creating Compassionate Communities. He will do this by getting cities to sign up to become Compassionate Cities – Bradford is one such city, Seville is another. His plan is to target the institutions such as the Local Authority, Health and Wellbeing Boards, Libraries, Schools, Primary Care, Health Promotion agencies, Hospices and more. His view is to create the changes from top down, changing the currently haphazard way in which end of life care is managed.”
“Allan’s main points were:
The Health Service is done – has no further capacity, cannot cope with the ever increasing number of patients, particularly the elderly.
Most older people want to die at home, and yet most die in hospital.
At the end of life , and following bereavement, only 5% of the care given is professional; the rest is informal caring by family or friends
It takes time to die, dying is getting longer and longer, and bereavement lasts forever.”
“Allan also went on to say that health is everyone’s responsibility. Currently people and services wait for a terminal illness, and then do something ( which is a 1940’s model). Palliative care is partial and episodic. It is important that we learn about death and dying, bereavement and loss and that we care for each others lives – bereavement and loss is a community responsibility. We need to promote a good death instead of symptom management. His blueprint for compassionate cities includes:
Publicity in public places e.g. art galleries, museums
Raise awareness / education
Employers to have a realistic bereavement policy
A peacetime annual memorial parade
Churches to have a dedicated group for end of life care
Volunteer programmes in hospices acknowledge people’s wealth of skills / compassion
In Public Health there needs to be behavior change / environmental change, as well as a shared responsibility for healthy living and support around dying, caring and bereavement support.”
“The next speaker was Mary Clear, an activist in Todmorden who is a Doula, a person who accompanies a dying person, and their family, during their final illness and carries out their wishes in relation to their funeral.”
“Mary spoke about a week of activities around death and dying called ‘Pushing Up The Daisies’ in Todmorden. Mary commented that it had been a huge success.”
Ann says “I had never heard of a Doula, but in pre war times, like the woman who used to live on every street who delivered babies, there would be a person who did the laying out of a body and generally cared for the family. The Doula is a modern day equivalent. A person who gives compassionate care to an individual, helps to give permission to talk about death and how the dying person would like their funeral to be. Mary even arranges a funeral herself, according to the wishes of the person, helping to offer some autonomy in a situation where there is very little. It would be impossible to reproduce Mary’s talk , which was very personal, which challenged the current way of death and showed that, in a small way, a bottom up approach can be effective.”
Ann concludes “If you compare the recent changes in attitude to Dementia brought about through collaboration of large institutions, including the Banks, transport services, the Police, schools, churches, social and broadcast media, it gives hope that this initiative could develop in a similar way. With people like Allan Kellehear and Mary Clear leading initiatives, it could happen very soon.”
Thanks very much to Ann for such a thorough report. I am sure this will help our work in supporting Parishes and individuals to lift some of the taboos around talking about Death & Dying.
Riding Lights Theatre Company have asked Growing Old Grace-fully to tell people about “SIMEON’S WATCH” – a family adventure before Christmas by Bridget Foreman.
Riding Lights have told us that Simeon’s Watch is an engaging new play for a family audience about… family. A delightful story about what growing old might mean, about being surprised, remembering love and discovering hope.
Leah keeps losing things. First it was her knitting, and now her father keeps wandering off. She frequently loses her temper and some days she thinks she’s losing her mind. Or is it her father Simeon who’s doing that? Staring out of the window, muttering about angels, waiting with unshakeable conviction for ‘God knows what’. It’s all a game to Leah’s daughter, which only makes things worse.
Something has to change.
As the nights draw in, Leah watches her father wind down and her daughter race ahead. She seems to be waiting too – but for what? And when the whole family is drawn to a starlit hillside, what more is to be lost and found?
The show is now booking for a national tour: October – December 2016 and your parish can book a performance now by contacting Beth on 01904 613000 or emailing beth@rltc.org .
You can find out more at www.ridinglights.org/simeons-watch
Riding Lights ask for a booking fee of £300, then the box office takings are split 25% (to the venue) and 75% (to the company). They have set the ticket prices at £12 a ticket and £10 for concessions.
As we send out our latest GOG news to you we are in the 10th week of Ordinary Time. (The definition of the word Ordinary in this context comes from the Latin word Ordo which means order, and the weeks of Ordinary Time are numbered rather than given specific names.) The Roman Catholic Church and many others define Ordinary Time as all the time outside Advent, Christmas, Lent and Easter. It comprises 33-34 weeks of the 52 week year, so is actually most of our lives!
We are perhaps back into our routine, after the lows of Lent and the highs of Easter and Pentecost. Most of us spend our daily lives in more middling rhythms and ordinary routines. Writers like Joan Chittister and Margaret Silf write about Ordinary Time emphasising that we can find God in all things and in everyone. This may be difficult if we feel isolated, are currently anxious about our lives, if we or others are ill, or are grieving someone close to us. As we grow older bereavement and illness may be more evident in our daily lives.
However: so is our experience evident, (if not to ourselves, to others), and the wisdom gained from it. Perhaps we have time to notice the small as well as the big things. In no particular order: we may appreciate more the abundant nature around us as it transforms from spring to summer colours, a sunset, a lovely building, the families and children around us (whether we have our own children or not) who are becoming older. We may remember them as babies and now see what they are doing! We may have time to stop and chat, to “sit and stare”, to encourage others, to watch our favourite TV programme, to give and receive everyday support and kindnesses and to appreciate quietly the work of those around us. We are all still working (even if it is not paid work) in our homes, parishes, volunteering in our communities, thinking about the wider world, donating time and money, signing petitions, voting, smiling and talking to others we see every day. If we cannot get out much we can approach the challenges of daily life of getting through the living of the day as work. We can all think and pray about those around us. St Therese of Lisieux wrote about doing small things well, with great love for God and others. In many ways older people can be the binding glue in their community’s daily lives, just as Ordinary Time is the important binding glue in the daily life of the Church’s liturgical year.
So, in our ordinary everyday lives, we never know how significant are our daily tasks and prayers for others. Recently I noticed a person who seemingly cannot hear, move or remember very much these days. She sits and prays most of the time and has the most wonderful smile. Everyone notices her and feels her warmth and encouragement. Daniel O’Leary says “When we see the presence of God in our most ordinary, daily routines, and in the darkness we often experience, then our lives are transformed.” God is in that smile!
Thank you to all the people who attended ‘Becoming a Dementia-Friendly Parish’ session at Corpus Christi on Wednesday 18th May. Growing Old Grace-fully was given such a warm welcome and there was lots of interesting and lively interaction which resulted in 20 people each becoming a Dementia Friend.
Dementia isn’t a natural part of ageing. One of the people we talked about was Christine Bryden, a top civil servant, who was diagnosed with dementia in 1995 at the age of 46. ‘My journey’, she wrote, ‘is to the inner self; to the reflection in the divine within. This is what gives me an abiding sense of meaning as I travel the journey from diagnosis to death.’ She’s now 66 and still giving talks about what it means to live with dementia. Christine Bryden’s books “Who will I be when I die?” and “Dancing with dementia” are published by Jessica Kingsley.
This week is The Alzheimer’s Society Dementia Awareness Week (15th – 20th May), and this year’s focus is to encourage anyone who is worried about dementia to confront their concerns and get in touch.
If you’re worried that you, or someone close to you, might have dementia, the National Dementia Helpline is there to offer advice and support on 0300 222 1122 or email helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.
Here at Growing Old Grace-fully we wanted to write our own messages to Dementia, and help us show people who are worried that they’re not alone.
There are lots of events happening this week so here’s a link to the Yorkshire events: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/events.php?categoryID=200223 and we are running a short one hour session on ‘Becoming a Dementia-Friendly Parish’ this week on Wednesday 18th May at Corpus Christi, Neville Road, Leeds LS9 0HD at 7.00pm – 8.00pm.
It is easy to assume our parishes are automatically dementia-friendly. How could we who aspire to follow Jesus think it is acceptable to exclude anyone? Yet often people with dementia, and their families, do have that experience of feeling marginalised. To be a dementia-friendly parish is to find ways to include people with dementia, so that they are helped to experience life in all its fullness and they know they are not alone.
Talking about dying can be awkward and painful, but according to recent research 71% of the public agree that if people in Britain felt more comfortable discussing dying, death and bereavement it would be easier to have our end of life wishes met (ComRes 2015).
The Dying Matters coalition was founded in 2009, and was set up to encourage people to talk more openly about dying, death and bereavement, as well as thinking ahead for when their time inevitably comes.
Every year, Dying Matters have a dedicated Awareness Week, which is committed time for people to have these conversations.
To support this hugely significant week, there are a number of events happening around our Diocese:
LEEDS
St Gemma’s will be holding a Dying Matters event at Leeds Museum on Tuesday 10th May and are inviting people to come and talk about death, dying, planning, funerals, bereavement… if it’s on your mind, come and talk it through with our experts. http://static.ow.ly/docs/Dying%20Matters%20advert%202016_4IVU.pdf
BRADFORD
Funeral homes in the Bradford area are inviting local people to join them for a coffee, cake and a chat – it’s a simple as that. Pop into your nearest funeral home and a member of the team will be delighted to speak with you Bradford’s Big Conversation for Dying Matters Awareness Week on Tuesday 10th, Wednesday 11th and Thursday 12th May, between 11am and 1pm. http://www.co-operativefuneralcare.co.uk/event/take-part-in-bradfords-big-conversation-for-dying-matters-awareness-week-130-legrams-lane-may/
A group of staff and students at the University of Bradford, along with external partners, are inviting people to a free interactive conference on Monday 16 May, 9-4.30pm, looking at compassionate communities. The group is also hosting a death café in the Atrium on Tuesday 17 May and there will be another held at Marie Curie Hospice Bradford on Thursday 19 May. Both take place 10am – 4pm and provide a natural space for conversations about death and dying. http://www.bradford.ac.uk/health/news-and-events/events/lets-talk-death-compassionate-communities-event.php
Growing Old Grace-fully have developed a workshop which provides a safe space for people to explore these sensitive issues, including what our own Catholic perspective offers. If your Parish are interested in holding a Living Well, Dying Well workshop, or simply want to know more, please call Rachel on 07702 255142 or email growing.old.gracefully@dioceseofleeds.org.uk .
If you would like to discuss how Growing Old Grace-fully might help support older people in your parish then please visit our contact page here and get in touch.
Mary Mother of God, Bradford, are now the 5th Parish in our Diocese to start the process of becoming a recognised ‘dementia-friendly Parish’.
