Advent: A Time of Challenge and Hope – A Reflection from Pippa Bonner

When I was a child I was on the verge of tears when I sang the words of the carol “In the Bleak Midwinter” written by Christina G Rossetti (1830-1864.) (1) 

“In the bleak midwinter 
frosty wind made moan, 
earth stood hard as iron, 
water like a stone;” 

 It sounded bleak, hard and cold. I lived in Scotland where I could understand that ”snow had fallen, snow on snow”…. I realised that a Bethlehem birth might be cold and hard, but perhaps little snow. I knew the point was that the Son of God was born in very humble, challenging, drafty circumstances away from family and community. As I grew older, I appreciated more the challenge that Mary and Joseph faced travelling for some uncomfortable days in late pregnancy, on the orders of an occupying regime to register their names. It may be on that journey Mary did not have the understanding and support of some of her extended family. They found it difficult to find accommodation as many others had also travelled to register. The unexpected, miraculous pregnancy perhaps was not accepted by some in the couple’s families. Joseph likely saved Mary’s life from stoning, a punishment for supposed infidelity and pregnancy outside of a betrothal or marriage. Her reputation, and his, may have taken longer to be restored. 

 We know too that they became refugees when Jesus was still very young. It must have been traumatic in a regional massacre to hide their child and make a perilous journey to Egypt.  

As I write, Palestinian refugees are making a treacherous journey amidst bombs and gunfire: women, some pregnant, men, many older people, children, newborn babies are riding on carts and are walking to South Gaza adjoining the Egyptian border. Many Jews support the Palestinians but the fighting between Israeli soldiers and Hamas has brought death, injury, homelessness and fear. The modern refugees are taking a dangerous journey. Did Mary and Joseph find food, water and shelter along the way? Did they have to hide? How long did they have to stay before travelling back to their homeland to Nazareth? Were they welcomed or not when they got to Egypt? Many modern-day refugees encounter danger, hostility, rejection, and a great sense of trauma and loss about what they have left behind. 

The amazing belief we have in preparing for Advent is the Incarnation, the birth of the Messiah, the great hope enfleshed… 

Advent is a time of preparation and above all a time of hope! As an older woman, every year I appreciate more that Advent is a time of hope. Amidst war in the Middle East and Ukraine and around the world the Saviour, a Sign of Hope and Peace is born. 

Christina Rossetti’s poem finishes: 

” What can I give him, 
poor as I am? 
If I were a shepherd 
I would bring a lamb; 
if I were a wise man 
I would do my part; 
yet what can I give him – 
give my heart.” 

As an older woman this last verse still moves me. Whatever our situation: enough money to pay our bills or not; working or retired; living with others or alone; bereaved; with plans for a way forward or not; security, directly affected by war, trauma, grief or poverty or watching it on T.V., we all have ups and downs. During Advent we bring to God ourselves, our spiritual gifts, our time, our life experience… and our hearts. Christmas brings hope. There are hymns, prayers, online Advent Resources from the Jesuits, Franciscans and others, parish and diocesan events and numerous ways in which we can prepare for Christ’s birth, whether individually or communally.  

Christ brings Challenge AND Hope.  

May you have a Blessed Advent and a Happy, Blessed Christmas! 

Pippa Bonner, December 2023

(1) In the Bleak Midwinter by Christina Rossetti.  

(Published by many including Decani Music, Suffolk 1999. No copyright holder given. Laudate Hymnal number 144.) 

“Christians on Ageing” – Free Online Event

Annual Conference: 20th September 2023

Time: 10:00am – 4:15pm

Format: Free online event

Challenging Exclusion in a Harsh Environment

This free online event involving speakers, groups and lunch-time interactive sessions, is now open for booking. Following one of COA’s ongoing issues of interest, ‘cherished, not forgotten’, the focus this year is on exclusion and some particular ways in which older people can be affected.

The morning sessions will be given over to an in-depth look at the Archbishops’ Report ‘Care and Support Reimagined’. Will Freemont-Brown from Lambeth Palace will lead us through the key ideas and how the Report is being used. What do we think and what can we contribute as Christians and Church members? There will be opportunity to comment and discuss.

The lunch-time interactive session will have a musical theme. Inês Delgado will lead a short workshop on music meditation, exploring activities that mindfully inspire the creative mind. This element of the conference worked very well last year when we experienced storytelling so grab your lunch and join in!

The afternoon sessions will look at two aspects of ‘older people on the margins’. Nicola Cadet of Sheffield Hallam University will share her research on behalf of HM Inspectorate for Probation that highlights the experience and life-outcomes for older people who find themselves involved with the justice system and on probation. COA has had a longstanding interest in older prisoners and are pleased to offer a session on this less well-known area of concern.

The second afternoon session will address a more established source of exclusion – social isolation and loneliness in later life. Emily Kenwood will share the work of ‘Time to Talk Befriending’. As in previous years, the conference will end with an overall reflection and a chance to discuss prospects and ideas for the future.

Do come and join online. There’s no charge to attend. Contact secretary@christiansonageing.org.uk or ring her on 07774 935905. Visit www.christiansonageing.org.uk  or book directly at https://www.eventbrite.com/e/challenging-exclusion-in-a-harsh-environment-tickets-676673788517

We look forward to seeing you there.

A Psalm for those journeying together with dementia – by Hannah Stone, poet-theologian to the Leeds Church Institute

As we continue to celebrate the successful launch of the transformative book “Journeying Together” by Deacon Joseph Cortis and Pia Matthews, we’d like to highlight a special piece that was shared during the launch event in June – “A Psalm for Those Journeying Together with Dementia”. Penned with profound empathy and insight, this poem delicately captures the profound experiences of caregivers navigating the path of dementia. It is a poetic journey of love, resilience, and unwavering strength. Intricately tied to the narratives explored in “Journeying Together”, this Psalm elevates the book’s essential message of shared struggle and enduring spirit. Witness its heartfelt recitation in our attached video link, or delve into the text for a quiet, personal reflection below.

Lord, you have searched for me and know me as I am.  
If I feel lost, you can find me, still.  
You understand the thoughts of my heart  
even when words escape from me. 
You perceive the way I have in mind  
when my friends cannot see the road ahead.  
You pick up the fragments of my desires,  
provide loving hands to weave these threads  
into garments to protect me.  
Even if I forget to praise you, your faithfulness  
feeds me; you remember my history, 
and share all my discoveries.

Lord, you search with us, and know how we long  
to make smooth the path for our companions, 
sweeping away the obstacles that trip them up. 
When we are bruised and feel broken,  
you soothe us with your wounded hands; 
when our heads ache and spin,  
you lift from them your crown of thorns.  
When loneliness closes us in, 
your presence opens new doors. When we stumble, 
you are there to steady our steps.  
The knowledge of you shines on our high spirits,  
and brightens our lowest moments.  

Lord, you will always know your sheep and search for them, 
the ram, the yearling, the ewe, and lead us  
to the fold, safe from the wolves of the world. 
You will place your laughter in our mouths,  
even as our eyes shed your tears.  
You nourish us at your table, 
and refresh our thirsty souls with grace. 
We are yoked with you in a trinity of care –  
needed, given, received. 
All the day long, you walk with us,  
and when the night closes in, and darkness falls  
there you are, beside us, our place of rest. 

Hannah Stone, poet-theologian to Leeds Church Institute , June 2023 

A Reflection and Prayer for Pentecost: By Carol Burns

pentecost

Pentecost is a remarkable occasion that holds profound meaning for believers around the world. It encompasses a multitude of themes – a time of renewal, new beginnings, and the courage bestowed upon the first Christian community. In the book of Acts, we witness how Pentecost invigorated the apostles, inspiring them to continue the important work of Jesus.

Described vividly in Acts, the Holy Spirit descended upon the apostles in the form of flames of fire and a powerful wind. To better grasp the significance of this divine event, individuals living with dementia were asked to describe the characteristics of wind and fire. Their responses were remarkably insightful:

Uncontrollable. Powerful. Sometimes strong, sometimes gentle. Necessary for life. Always moving things. Always changing.

These descriptions strikingly align with the essence of the Holy Spirit, revealing its dynamic and transformative nature.

However, this year, my thoughts were drawn to the words of Peter as he addressed the crowds, referencing the words of the Prophet Joel (Acts 2:17):

“In the last days,” God says, “I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your young will see visions. Your elders will dream dreams.”

These prophetic words echo the profound truth that the outpouring of God’s Spirit during Pentecost is a resounding declaration that God does not abandon individuals in their old age or forsake them when they are frail and weak. On the contrary, God’s Spirit is poured out on all, irrespective of age or station in life.

This revelation presents a compelling challenge to all of us. It reminds us that we are one community, where young and old can collaborate and contribute in their unique ways. Each generation possesses invaluable insights and gifts that, when shared, foster unity, understanding, and progress.

Let us embrace the teachings of Pentecost, recognising that we are all interconnected in God’s divine plan. As we come together, drawing from the wisdom of the older generation and the vision of the young, we can forge a path towards renewal, revitalisation, and a future brimming with hope.

May Pentecost serve as a constant reminder that we are bound together by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Together, we can create a harmonious symphony, where every voice is heard, valued, and celebrated, leading us towards a world where love, compassion, and understanding prevail.

Carol Burns
Chair, Growing Old Grace-fully

A Prayer at Pentecost

Come Holy Spirit, 
enter our silences.

Come Holy Spirit,
into the depths of our longing.

Come Holy Spirit,
our friend and our lover.

Come Holy Spirit, 
unmask our pretending

Come Holy Spirit, 
sustain our weakness. 

Come Holy Spirit, 
redeem our creation. 

Enter our trusting, 
enter our fearing, 
enter our letting go, 
enter our holding back. 

Flood our barren spaces, 
make fertile our deserts within. 
Break us and heal us, 
liberator of our desires .

Come Holy Spirit. 
Embrace us and free us. 

Amen 

(Neil Thew 1990 from “Bread of Tomorrow”, edited by Janet Morley)

Book Launch: ‘Journeying Together’ by Deacon Joseph Cortis and Pia Matthews

Please join us as we celebrate the launch of a remarkable book “Journeying Together” that sheds light on the experiences of caregivers for individuals with dementia. Written by Growing Old Grace-fully trustee Deacon Joe Cortis, in collaboration with Pia Matthews, this poignant work gives voice to those who tirelessly care for their loved ones. The book will be officially launched in Leeds on Tuesday, June 27th, at 1:30 pm. To download the poster with further details please click the link below.

Supporter Thelma Laycock shares her poetry

Thelma Laycock lives in Leeds and has been a supporter of Growing Old Gracefully since it began.
Although she has always written poetry, since retiring from teaching it has become one of the most important aspects of her life.

She has published 4 anthologies of poetry and has had work in various magazines and anthologies. Some poems have been translated into Hebrew, Italian and Romanian.
During the 1990s she worked as a volunteer on Indian Reservations in South Dakota and Arizona. The poem Sun Dance at Rosebud draws on that experience

Entering San Francisco 2010

Singing we cross the red bridge,
seeing the Bay stretched out before us
unusually clear and beautiful,
(yet Alcatraz blinks its star of death);
under an old enchantment
paunchy men with pony-tails
and white-haired women dance,
I outdance them all,
no pain in my knees now,
scattering flowers from my hair.

Shadow on the grass

My mother’s shadow wakes me
from chasing words and reverie
her head and shoulders exactly,
starting to move into her old age,
my mother’s shadow wakes me
from chasing words and reverie
not my mother’s shadow but me.

Sun Dance at Rosebud
(for the Indian children)

I missed the Sun Dance –
not given the invitation
and let down by acquaintances,
I missed it.
For me no eagle flew in
low over the hills to bless the dance.
I saw no warriors with long black hair
nor girls in white buckskin dresses;
no dance circle nor piercing at the sacred tree.
Yet my days were blessed;
for though my skin is very white
and my hair as blonde as Custer’s,
you loved me.
I had my own piercing that summer
as I left you playing,
dancing in the sun.

Learning about what a ‘Good Death’ might involve

It’s been said that death is the last taboo and certainly in our heavily medicalised approach to dying we seem to have lost some of our skills for dealing with the end if life.

How many people have seen a dead body, how many people have been with someone who is in the last few days of life?

It may be that it’s only when someone very close to us approaches death that we have those experiences, often for the very first time.

I would hope that when I am in the last few months of life I have the support of a palliative doctor (or “deathwife”),such as Kathryn Mannix.  She spent her days with the terminally ill and their families, witnessing and supporting them at times of intense suffering, terror and loss. About a quarter of deaths are sudden and unexpected, but she saw the ones that come slowly, over months or years, and while much of her work was diagnostic and medical, one of her crucial tasks was to help those who are dying and their families find ways of dealing with life’s final, great event.

website home pageMannix has recently retired and her book from 2018, With the End in Mind: Dying, Death and Wisdom in an Age of Denial is a treasure trove of stories about the end of life for a great variety of people, men and woman young and old.  Mannix tells their stories with compassion and love. She talks about the different strategies she uses to help people make the right choices for them in their as they approach death and in doing so points us in the direction of the decisions we may need to make.

She never judges and is clear that people make many different choices, but she wants people to have the support to make choices so that there death be as good as they wish it to be.

The book is compulsive, I couldn’t put it down, I cried and I laughed with the people she worked with. I recommend it to anyone of any age and by recommending it to other family members it’s a good way to start those very difficult discussions about your last wishes.

Visit her website for more information.