Author: Rachel Walker

Please pray for the family and friends of Eileen Sikorska who died at home in Leeds on 19th February aged 95.  She was an active member of many organisations including the CMAC, Cafod, Pax Christi, and Growing Old Grace-fully;  was on the staff of Trinity and All Saints College (now Leeds Trinity), and, appointed by Bishop Konstant, was the first woman trustee of the Diocese of Leeds.  She was an inspirational woman of faith, always interested in others, and a very loving mother and grandmother.

Eileen bore the challenges of later life with grace and cheerfulness.  She knew there would be tears at her funeral but she did not want people to be sombre.   Her strong faith convinced her we would all ‘meet merrily in Heaven’.

May she rest in peace.

How to create a personal spiritual reminiscence box.  A resource for the family, friends and carers of people with dementia. 

© the Diocese of Wrexham 2015. Written by Margaret Hinton, Marriage and Family Life Commission and Clare Steel. Cost £7 and available from: margaretmfl@hotmail.co.uk

This is a useful, user friendly resource “designed to help friends, family and caregivers find simple ways to carry on a spiritual life for their loved ones” at home and in care. It is a pack of explanatory cards outlining in a simple way the theory of Reminiscence, why it is helpful, how to create a box, giving ideas and containing a CD of old, familiar hymns for everyone to use. This last offering is on the basis that people may remember the older hymns more easily than newer ones and feel comfortable hearing and singing them.

Reminiscence is used widely with older people to encourage them to talk about things they remember and reduce stress. It helps to affirm people: who they are and to relive previous times and achievements. “Reminiscence can help to improve the mood, cognitive ability and well being of those with mild to moderate dementia and if a multi sensory approach is taken even in to later stages of dementia.” This pack is about encouraging spiritual reminiscence so that spiritual aspects of the person’s life story can be conveyed from home to care home and used by family and professional carers. “There is increasing evidence that stimulating a range of senses [sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste] can be very effective in engaging an individual with dementia and other illnesses affecting cognition”.

There are illustrated cards with useful tips how, where and when to use the resource. It has a card for each of the senses with ideas, and a list of helpful contacts. This Pack also has ideas for group reminiscence.

At a recent talk I attended, Margaret Hinton spoke about a Box that she helped a relative create. It included a prayer book with an ingrained leather cover to touch, smell and look at, containing his holy pictures. (Remember those?) It included his rosary beads for him to pray with and hold. (I know a lady who gets comfort from fingering her beads with her restless hands. The familiar feel soothes her.)

I plan to start my Spiritual Reminiscence Box now with objects that remind me of my faith and practice. It can be added to later. I know already that I want my Box to contain an old prayer book, holy pictures from friends and children when they were little, a “clutch cross” to hold, a small picture of Rublev’s Icon, a particular, smooth wooden statue of the Holy Family, smells of lilies, a copy of the Magnificat and the Beatitudes and a CD of hymns by Bernadette Farrell and others – hymns which my children may have forgotten in 20 years time. I value these objects and the memories they evoke now, and later they will help to remind me of my spiritual life and memories that might lead who knows where…I have also realised this is a useful exercise to make me reflect on my faith priorities and what immediately helps me to think about them. What would you choose for your Box?   

What is important to me about this Pack is that a lot of the ideas I knew already but it affirms my thoughts and collects the ideas in one place. It is a simple, user friendly pack which is very do-able on a small budget and in a short time. I think it is a valuable addition to resources for those living and working alongside people with dementia.

 Pippa Bonner, Trustee 

I was absolutely delighted to receive three comics from Leeds Church Institute, written and designed by local Leeds artist Si Smith.  They explore some aspects of the realities of living with memory loss.  As well as being beautifully observed and a delight to look at, they can provoke and support helpful discussions in small groups.

The three comics, each called Abide with Me, show different aspects of the same story and events – the son’s perspective, the mum’s who struggles in caring for her husband, and the dad’s who is living with dementia.

The comics value the perspective and insight of older people who have lived their lives faithfully, hoping that the best is yet to come; and show that when different generations live well together, they are greater than the sum of the parts.  How apt to have this in time for Candlemas, February 2nd, the Feast of the Purification of the Virgin Mary and the Presentation of Christ in the Temple when Simeon and Anna bear witness to Jesus as Saviour.

Rev Dr Max Champion reflects on this story: “Church leaders and ageing congregations take note! Young people are not necessarily the future of the Church. Old age is not necessarily a barrier to faithfulness nor an excuse for nostalgia. The story of Simeon and Anna should be a spur to old and young alike to develop an informed, patient faith!”

I really recommend these books, and the accompanying conversation starters, which cost £5 available here .

Rachel Walker, Project Co-ordinator

I recently came across this reflection by Jean Vanier, from his book Community and Growth (Darton, Longman & Todd 1991) about the potential for old age to enlighten those around us.  He considers it “the most precious time of life, the one nearest eternity” and goes on to say:

“There are old people with a child’s heart, who have used their freedom from function and responsibility to find a new youth.  They have the wonder of a child, but the wisdom of maturity as well.  They have integrated their years of activity and so can live without being attached to power.  Their freedom of heart and their acceptance of their limitations and weakness makes them people whose radiance illuminates the whole community.  They are gentle and merciful, symbols of compassion and forgiveness.  They become a community’s hidden treasures, sources of unity and life.  They are true contemplatives at the heart of community.”

It has been a privilege for me to spend time with a number of older people I call to mind who have become for me a source of unity and life.  They have helped me catch a glimpse of the way God is at work.  The poet R S Thomas wrote: ‘Over love’s depths only the surface is wrinkled.’

Rachel Walker, Project Coordinator

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light;

on those who live in a land of deep shadow a light has shone.  

Isaiah 9:2

We wish all our friends and supporters God’s richest blessings for Christmas and the coming year.

Blue Christmas

There is a paradox at the heart of this season of Advent and Christmas. Joy and cheer can sometimes be overwhelmed by sadness. Christmas can be a hard time for those who have lost loved ones or who are suffering emotionally and the older we get, the more likely we are to be living with some loss. The joyful Christmas melodies may not sound in our hearts and yet we may feel compelled to deny these feelings and ‘put on a happy face’. Holding a Blue Christmas Service in your parish can help people express their sadness and pain and help provide a safe place of rest, comfort and healing.

A Blue Christmas Service is designed for people suffering with pain, loss, isolation and grief in the Advent season. The service is often held on or around December 21st, the longest night of the year, but can be held anytime during Advent. The service may include candles, meditative music, Psalms of lament, prayers for healing, blessings, and a message for people feeling a sense of loss. It might be a service of particular interest to those who lead a Bereavement Support Group in your parish. You can find some ideas here of what to include in a short service of prayers and readings for a parish Blue Christmas and some reflections here.

Blue Christmas can help to remind us that Christ, always with us in the midst of our pain, sadness and loneliness, is light in the darkness.

Growing a dementia friendly Diocese

We are really delighted that Marcus, our Bishop, has given his blessing for our Diocese to start the process of becoming a dementia friendly one. Dementia affects many people and not just the person living with the condition. There are over 24 million people who know a family member or friend living with dementia. Parishes have a huge role to play in helping people live well with dementia, and to support the carers. Following the example of Liverpool Archdiocese, we have formed a Working Group to develop a Diocesan Action Plan. If you would like to be part of the Working Party, we would very much like to hear from you. We are particularly looking for people working within Community Health Care as well as people who are living with dementia to be part of the Working Group. Please contact Rachel on 07702 255142 or email growing.old.gracefully@dioceseofleeds.org.uk .

Parish sessions offered

We offer a short one hour session to encourage ‘Growing a Dementia Friendly Parish’, which so far has helped to create more than 100 Dementia Friends across 10 parishes. We also offer other sessions to help parishes explore practical ways to be more Later Life Friendly. To find out more or arrange a session, please call Rachel on 07702 255142 or email growing.old.gracefully@dioceseofleeds.org.uk .

Warmest thanks for your interest in and support of our work across the Diocese.

Pippa Bonner, Trustee         Carol Burns, Chair                               Anne Forbes, Trustee

Paul Grafton, Trustee            Maria Longfellow, Trustee                Cath Mahoney, Trustee

Mgr Peter Rosser, Trustee    Rachel Walker, Project Worker       Ann West, Trustee

Blue Christmas, or Longest Night, is a short service designed for people suffering with pain, loss, isolation and grief in the Advent season.  The service is often help on or around December 21st, the longest night of the year, but it can be held at anytime during Advent.  The service may include candles, meditative music, Psalms of lament, prayers for healing, blessings, and a message for people feeling a sense of loss. It might be a service of particular interest to those who lead a Bereavement Support Group in your parish or for your SVP Group visiting people who are isolated.

You can find some ideas of what to include in a short service of prayers and readings for a parish Blue Christmas here .

Blue Christmas can help to remind us that Christ, always with us in the midst of our pain, sadness and loneliness, is light in the darkness.

Have you heard of an Anna Chaplain?

There is a growing network of Anna Chaplains who deliver spiritual care services for older people, and Anna Friends who assist them. They work in care homes, private homes, churches and other community settings with people of strong, little or no faith.

The activities of Anna Chaplains vary depending on the needs of the older people they work with, but are likely to include encouraging individuals to review their life story, delivering home Communion services and praying with them.

As the number of older people in the UK rises in the coming years, churches are uniquely placed to address the spiritual dimension of growing older. Many older people cannot be part of a faith community in a traditional sense, due to health or mobility problems. Anna Chaplaincy can help, as it brings spiritual care to them.

We would love to see some Anna Chaplains working in our own Diocese.  You can read more about the network here .

There is now an Anna Chaplaincy Handbook designed for people wanting to develop this tried-and-tested approach to ministry among older people in their area. The handbook contains 25 chapters of distilled expertise on how to meet the spiritual needs of older people using the Anna Chaplaincy approach. It opens eyes to fresh possibilities and to the opportunities for a deepening spiritual life. It also addresses vital practical aspects of this ministry, such as supervision and safeguarding.  Like our own “Welcoming Older People – ideas for an from parishes” Guide, the PDF of the Anna Chaplaincy Handbook is available as a free download, or you can order a paperback copy for £14.99.

If you or anyone you know is interested in exploring/learning more, please contact Alex Burn, The Gift of Years Coordinator, at alex.burn@brf.org.uk who can send you the ‘Anna Chaplaincy to Older People Information’ pack, which  provides an excellent  summary of the Anna Chaplaincy model, and is the first step if a parish is thinking about its ministry to older people. It is eight pages long and easy to share.

Rachel Walker, Project Co-ordinator

In a new and pioneering study, those caring for loved ones with dementia emerge as the forgotten heroes amongst carers. 53 churchgoers who have (or have recently had) this caring role speak out passionately for the first time about their experience.

Four key messages emerge:

1. Caring for a loved one with dementia is an endurance race of unknown length with only loss at the end.
2. As their caring takes over their lives, and becomes progressively more difficult over time, so also these carers lose contact with the world around them. They are too often ‘out of sight and out of mind’ as others avoid trying to relate to the person with dementia.
3. When, as well as losing their social contacts, they see the personality of the one they love slowly breaking down, their loneliness can be profound.
4. The support offered by medical, social and welfare services – and by local churches – is patchy at best, and often shows a lack of understanding of the emotional strains the carers are under.

One comment from the study sums up the unique challenges faced by these carers: “It’s like a bereavement, but no one has died.” Comments from four other carers in the study illustrate the pain and conflict of the emotions they were feeling:

• “I suspect nobody can comprehend how much it has hurt and made me question. If any good can come from my awful experience it is this: Whenever anyone is a carer do not assume they are OK. They are probably not.”
• “I realised as I was answering your questionnaire just how much anger, frustration and unfairness I felt reflecting on my years as a carer. They were undoubtedly the darkest years of my life, and the years I felt most spiritually dead.”
• “One of the best pieces of advice I was given was, ‘At the end of the day does the thing you are worrying about really matter?’ Most of the time the answer is NO.”
•  “Keep looking for the person he/she used to be and remember he/she is still there needing our love and ready to return it given the opportunity.”

As churchgoers the 53 respondents, from seven denominations, present a mixed picture. All report that their faith is generally supportive, although often challenged. For many, regular churchgoing becomes more difficult, and becomes impossible for some. Individuals characterise how they value their faith in very different ways, just over half describing their faith as ‘unshaken’ as a result of their experience, all but one of the remainder affirming that it has been ‘deepened’.

Dementia mostly affects older people. The majority of their immediate carers are therefore themselves also elderly. In this study the ages of respondents range from 50 plus to over 80. 42 of the 53 respondents are spouses. All but six of these are in their 70s or 80s.

The four authors of this study are themselves in their mid 70s or older. Three are honorary fellows of Glyndŵr University: Albert Jewell, who was senior Chaplain with Methodist Homes for the Aged (MHA) before engaging in research into the care of older people; Jenny Rolph, who after a career in higher education developed and ran a Christian counselling service in Winchester, and Paul Rolph, who after a similar career in higher education was also County Ecumenical Officer for Hampshire and the Isle of Wight. The fourth contributor to this study is John Cole, formerly National Adviser (Unity-in-Mission) for the Church of England.

 Further information and comment from:

Albert Jewell               ajj633@btinternet.com           0113 278 9438

John Cole                    john.cole@cantab.net             01652 408506

Jenny Rolph                jenny.rolph6@gmail.com        01962 862574

The results of this research are published in two academic papers:

Jewell, A., Cole, J., Rolph J., & Rolph, P. (2016). The faith of primary carers of persons with dementia. The Journal of Religion, Spirituality and Aging, 28, 313-337. doi:10.1080/15528030.2016.1193098

Jewell, A., Cole, J., Rolph J., & Rolph, P. (2017). The loneliness of the long distance-carer: The experience of primary carers of loved-ones with dementia. Rural Theology, 15, 2, 97-112. doi: 10.1080/14704994.2017.1375473.   For possible free access to this article contact Albert Jewell.

Autumn is a wonderfully colourful and rich time of the year, a time of fruitfulness.  Parishioners from St Mary’s in Rothwell who are in, or are approaching, the autumn of life joined together to explore God’s gift of age in the first of four inspiring short sessions using a DVD from Catholic Faith Exploration.

Growing Old Grace-fully were delighted to have been invited to join the session.  One of the gifts of the autumn of life is to be closer to knowing the difference between what matters and what doesn’t matter.

“I look on everything as so much rubbish if only I can have Christ and be given a place in him.  I am no longer trying for perfection by my own efforts, the perfection that comes from the Law, but I want only the perfection that comes through faith in Christ.”  St Paul’s letter to the Philippians, 3:9

There were many lively and varied contributions as we discussed this gift by considering the question “If I could talk to my 20 year old self what advice would I give myself?”

It was agreed that there would be another session on Saturday 11th November, 10.30am-11.30am, to view the next in the series called “Changing Your World”.

If your parish would like to run a similar series of short sessions, the details of how to download or purchase the DVD can be found here . or get in touch with Rachel from Growing Old Grace-fully.

Rachel Walker

What does Leeds have in common with Manchester, Bristol, the Isle of Wight, Hackney, Camden, and 8 other local authorities around England?

The answer is that all 14 areas have a share in the £80 million grant distributed by the Big Lottery to these selected authorities for work on projects whose aim is to offset loneliness and social isolation amongst Older People.   Collectively they are known as the Ageing Better Project.

 Leeds Older People’s Forum, on behalf of Leeds City Council, has received £6 million over 6 years (2014-2020) and has just hosted a conference for the 13 other authorities at the Leeds Plaza Hotel.  Delegates heard lots of new ideas from all over the country – ranging from special informational programmes on local radio to campaigns to extend the length of Green Man times at traffic lights, as well as the other encouragement of Shared Tables in local restaurants and many other ideas.

 If you would like to learn more about available Leeds funds, please contact tts@opforum.org.uk or call 0113 244 1697 at Time to Shine (Leeds Older People’s Forum) as a new round of applications is about to start. 

By Anne Forbes, Trustee