This year the season of Advent is as long as it possibly can be with the first Sunday of Advent starting on November 27th. Now in the second week of Advent, we continue to prepare for the appearance of Jesus as a tiny baby born in very challenging circumstances. His mother gave birth away from her home town, far from her home and familiar surroundings. Some of her family may have still felt ambivalent about the nature of Mary’s pregnancy. Has Joseph begun to understand it? The Messiah is born in very humble circumstances, soon to become a Refugee.
This year we remember all those born and living in challenging circumstances, born in areas of conflict, like the Holy Land today. This year war is raging in Ukraine, and conflicts around the world are shown daily on our televisions. We remember all who are refugees who are escaping conflict and persecution.
We pray that the hope and joy of Christmas will also be experienced in these difficult times.
Advent is a time of acknowledging paradox. A time of hope and celebration amidst personal and world difficulty, bereavement, illness and loss.
At Growing Old Grace-fully we celebrate the role, gifts and experience of older people. Joseph is traditionally described as an older man. Mary and Jesus must have benefited from his life experience. The Shepherds and Magi may have been mixed age groups: older Shepherds guiding and overseeing the younger ones. It is likely the Magi had a lifetime of study and experience. We know that the Holy Family travelled to Jerusalem to present Jesus in the Temple. They were met by the elderly Simeon and Anna who had been awaiting the Messiah. Let us celebrate them all!
We remember all older people, locally and around the world. Some who are among family and friends, and others who are alone, those fearing food and heating prices, and all who are juggling the blessings and difficulties of older age. Many of us are dealing with the push and pull of life: happy and sad memories of experience and life itself. And if we believe we no longer have a place or sense of agency in life these words of Pope Francis might be encouraging:
“Of one thing I am certain – every human being reveals something of God …a spark of divine light shines from each one of us…every human being has been taken up into the heart of God, conferring on them an infinite divinity.”
The coming of Christ is the joyful, welcoming of the Messiah. And we also know that the incarnate Christ dies and is resurrected for us. My eight year old granddaughter has expressed this paradox (unprompted by me), in her home made Christmas card to me this year. Inside a cheery, snowy, animal card she has drawn a crucified Christ with the heading ” Jesus dies for our sins. ” Behind the cross is Father Christmas and his reindeer and sleigh, and happy Christmas wishes and love from her to me. She has captured the joy and sadness we experience during this season of the Church year.
However, Advent culminates with Christmas. We live with the hope and happiness of Christmas. May you all feel the hope and blessings of Christmas!
Here is part of Joyce Rupp’s “A Christmas Blessing.”
May you give and receive love generously. May this love echo in your heart like the joy of church bells on a clear December day….
May the hope of this sacred season settle in your soul. May it be a foundation of courage for you when times of distress occupy your inner land….
May you daily open the gift of your life and be grateful for the hidden treasures it contains…
May you keep your eye on the Star within you and trust this Luminescent Presence to guide and direct you each day….
May you go often to the Bethlehem of your heart and visit the One who offers you peace. May you bring this peace into our world.”
May you all feel the hope and happiness of Christmas and a blessed New Year!
Prayer is a special activity we can do with the children in our lives, deepening our relationship with them, and their connection with God.
Prayer is a conversation with God. It need not be formal and there are no rules, so whether the child you would like to pray with is used to praying or not, there are many ideas that can make it an enjoyable activity that brings peace to both you and the little one you are praying with.
Some tips for praying with children
Teaching children they can pray whenever they like and wherever they like is a gift they will carry with them through life. By encouraging them to talk to God whenever they feel and want to, they are encouraged to connect with their feelings and emotions and develop a sense of safety in the continual love of Christ.
More formal prayer settings also have a role in a child’s journey through life, and there’s no better time than Advent to embrace the magic and miracle of Christ’s birth.
Here are some tips you might want to consider when praying with Children this Advent:
Set up a simple crib scene and light a candle to signify your prayer. Children find the story of the Nativity compelling, so in your own words try to tell them the story and what it means to you. Perhaps ask questions such as “how do you think Mary and Joseph felt when they couldn’t find anywhere to stay?” to encourage empathy with the story.
Try to encourage the child to imagine Jesus beside them as their closest friend; someone they can say anything to and with whom they can confide any worries.
Encourage the child to embrace gratitude by asking them to list the things they are grateful for in life and acknowledge that others may not be so fortunate.
Introduce them to the simple concept of abandonment by encouraging them to ask for God’s help and Grace in their daily lives.
A simple prayer for Advent
Here’s a simple prayer appropriate for children, that you might want to use this Advent:
My little Lord Jesus, I love You and thank You for this Advent season. Please help me to understand all that You have done for me. Your loving mother held You in her heart and brought You into this world. Help me to do the same.
My loving Jesus, I choose You, this Advent, as my King and my God. Draw me close to You and help me to see my sins so that I can change the things that You want me to change.
Mother Mary, pray for me this Advent so that I may do all that God wants me to do. You said “Yes” to all that God asked of you. Please pray for me that I may do the same.
Come, Lord Jesus, Come, Lord Jesus, Come, Lord Jesus, come! I love You, Jesus.
We have put together a summary of our main activities over the last year – we are so glad this has included some face to face events and we look forward to more opportunities in the coming year.
With special thanks to Catholic Care, the Diocese of Leeds, the Sisters of Mercy, The Harold Hood Trust, The Charlotte Marshall Trust and individual donors for enabling our work this year.
‘As we get older we can gradually experience a series of ‘losses’ – an increase in health issues, a decrease in independence, some loss of ability to do what we used to do, loss of friends, possibly moving out of your home, loss of memory and so on.
How do we hold onto and deepen our true identity, allow loss to be part of our jigsaw, find new purposes and resilience in the context of this part of our spiritual and practical journey?‘
This event aims to give an opportunity to listen to the experiences of others, reflect on what can help, share in discussion groups and end with a reflection and prayer.
As it is an online event, you can join from the comfort of your own home. We look forward to seeing you there!
Pope Francis established a World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly which took place for the first time on Sunday 25 July 2021. In 2022, the celebration will fall on Sunday 24 July, the Sunday closest to the Feast of Saints Joachim and Anne, Grandparents of Jesus. The theme chosen by Pope Francis for this year’s celebration is: “In old age they will still bear fruit” (Psalm 92:15).
Ideas of how to mark the Day
Perhaps you could talk with your priest and others about how this day can be celebrated and marked in your parish.
The Catholic Grandparents Association says ‘We invite you to join us in marking this momentous day in parishes. We have a whole suite of resources and ideas for how you can make this a wonderful celebration for all.’
Here are some of their ideas:
Host a Mass of Thanksgiving on the weekend of 23/24 July with a focus on the celebration of Grandparents. If possible invite Grandparents and Grandchildren to be part of the Mass or to join in online. Include those in care homes.
Send a Peace Card via email or social media (Card graphics coming soon on CGA)
Write letters to Grandparents and Grandchildren (Coming Soon on CGA)
Children’s Prayer Appeal: We invite children in schools or parish to compose prayers in honour of their Grandparents. These are presented at the Offertory during Pilgrimage Masses.
Book of Remembrance and Forget Me Not Flowers We are suggesting that a simple book of remembrance be opened on 1 July in parishes and that people would be invited to write the names of grandparents, great grandparents and other elders in the family who are no longer with us. This book can then be brought to the altar at the start of Mass on the weekend 23rd/24th July.
Host a Novena or Holy Hour with the Rosary for Grandparents and the Elderly in the week leading up to the celebration on Sunday 24 July.
Here is a link to the page of resources including prayers and liturgies on the website of the Catholic Grandparents Association:
PRAYER FOR THE SECOND WORLD DAY FOR GRANDPARENTS AND THE ELDERLY
I give thanks to you, Lord,
For the blessing of a long life
For, to those who take refuge in You,
Grant always to bear fruit.
Forgive, O Lord,
Resignation and disillusionment,
But forsake me not
When my strength declines.
Teach me to look with hope
To the future you give me,
To the mission you entrust to me
And to sing your praises without end.
Make me a tender craftsman
Of Your revolution,
To guard with love my grandchildren
And all the little ones who seek shelter in You.
Protect, O Lord, Pope Francis
And grant Thy Church
To deliver the world from loneliness.
Direct our steps in the way of peace.
Amen.
The Dicastery for the Laity, Family and Life have produced a Pastoral Kit of documents and a Press Kit for the Day, which can both be downloaded from THIS PAGE.
We hope you enjoy celebrating with all older people on this special day!
Pope Francis has been giving insightful reflections on OLD AGE in his catecheses during the weekly General Audiences since 23rd February 2022. He has spoken on many aspects of the meaning and value of old age in the light of God’s word.
Excerpt from Catechesis on Old Age: 18th May 2022
Looking at a range of aspects of old age such as ‘The grace of time’, ‘Longevity as a symbol and opportunity’ and ‘A resource for the youth’, he has also drawn lessons from characters in the bible such as Noah, Naomi, Eleazar, Judith and Job.
CLICK HERE to see a list of all these recent catecheses at the weekly general audiences
‘When we are old, we lose some of our sight, but our inner gazebecomes more penetrating — one sees with the heart. We become capable of seeing things that had previously escaped us. The elderly know how to look, and they know how to see…’
‘It is true: the Lord does not entrust his talents only to the young and the strong. He has talents for everyone, made to fit each person, the elderly too. The life of our communities must know how to benefit from the talents and charisms of so many elderly people who are already retired, but who are a wealth to be treasured.’
‘On the part of the elderly themselves, this requires a creative attention, a new attention, a generous availability.’
Among other things, Pope Francis has emphasized the need for more connection between the old and the young, encouraging families to ensure children have time with their grandparents, and all generations have respect for each other.
‘The elderly enter the promised land, which God desires for every generation, when they offer to the young the beautiful initiation of their witness and pass on the story of the faith, …in dialect, that familiar dialect, that dialect of the old to the young. Then, guided by the Lord Jesus, the old and the young together enter into his Kingdom of life and love.’
‘Old age comes for everyone. And treat the elderly today as you would wish to be treated in your old age. They are the memory of the family, the memory of humanity, the memory of the country. Protect the elderly, who are wisdom. May the Lord grant the elderly who are part of the Church the generosity of this invocation and of this provocation.’
‘The elderly who find the path of this testimony, who turn their resentment for their loss into a tenacity for awaiting God’s promises ….these elderly people are an irreplaceable garrison for the community in facing the excesses of evil.’
‘Disenchantment comes in old age. And so the resistance of old age to the demoralising effects of this disenchantmentis decisive: if the elderly, who have seen it all by now, keep intact their passion for justice, then there is hope for love, and also for faith.’
‘The elderly man rediscovers prayer and bears witness to its strength. In the Gospels, Jesus never rejects the prayer of those who are in need of help. By virtue of their weakness, the elderly can teach those who are living in other ages of life that we all need to abandon ourselves to the Lord, to invoke his help. In this sense, we must all learn from old age: yes, there is a gift in being elderly, understood as abandoning oneself to the care of others, starting with God himself.’
There is an exciting opportunity to help develop and test a new Life Transitions App.
East Sussex County Council and the University of Leeds are working together on a new ‘Life Transitions Health App’ to help people prepare for significant changes in later life such as retiring, moving home, experiencing changes in health and mobility, becoming a carer, or experiencing a bereavement. These changes can have a big impact on our lives and can be hard to manage – the Life Transitions Health App will help people to prepare ahead of time and be better equipped and supported when life changes happen.
They are looking for people in East Sussex and Leeds to be a part of this exciting new development that aims to improve the lives of older people.
You don’t need to be an expert on any ‘life transition’ – you just need be keen to be part of a new project and be someone who wants to play a part in improving people’s lives. Come and get involved, meet new people, share your experience and thoughts about life transitions, learn new skills, and help make a positive difference to people’s lives now and in the future.
There is an online workshop at 10am on Wednesday 25 May. If you are interested in participating please register HERE and please cascade amongst your networks.
If you have any questions about the project or joining details, please feel free to contact Sue Dunkley, Life Transitions Project Officer, from East Sussex County Council or Professor Arunangsu Chatterjee at Leeds University.
Rev Dr Keith Albans explores some ‘items for our AGE-enda to help us work at growing old’
Adapted from a talk given by Keith at our event on 26th April 2022 at Wheeler Hall, Leeds.
Although the mountaineer and the downhill skier share a similar setting for their activities, and have a common objective of reaching the bottom of the mountain safely and in one piece, the shape of those challenges is entirely different. For the climber, reaching the summit’s the primary goal – marked with photographs and smiles, with the bonus of planting a flag or adding a stone to a cairn. On the other hand, the skier’s ascent is merely a means to an end – usually assisted by a cable car or ski-lift – with the main purpose being to get down again as quickly as possible.
Many seem to live with a similar image of the human lifespan, withthe first part being concerned with gaining skills, strength and potential, and the second part – literally ‘over the hill’- being spoken of in terms of multiple losses, most notably loss of strength and potential.
Kenneth Howse expressed it like this: “We think of human powers and capabilities as following a parabolic trajectory through the life course: eventually they stop climbing upwards and take a downward turn.” However, as he continues, “If there is a dimension of life which stands apart from this pattern of change, it is the spiritual dimension,” and Richard Rohr’s choice of book title was Falling Upwards: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, the imagery of being over the hill needs closer examination.
For an elite athlete, the progression through their career is likely to have this shape, and for them retirement will be brought on by an inability to perform in the way they once did. Some choose to go out at the top, while others linger into the twilight.
I recall Steve Davis, the former snooker world champion, said he relished the challenge of pitting his skills and experience against the younger opponents making their way in the sport.
He didn’t expect always to win, or even to perform in the way he once had, but instead to discover a new sense of purpose and a new measure of performance.
Later life requires this kind of approach if it’s not simply to be seen as a falling away from what once was.
In 1933 the psychiatrist Carl Jung wrote,
“One cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be of little importance in the evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.”
Carl Jung
More recentlyMarie de Hennezel put it like this, “We still have to construct a more positive image of this time of life, confront our fears in order to overcome them, and work out a real policy for preventing unhappy old age. Lastly, it is up to us to combat the denial of old age and death, by working at growing old.”
So if we’re to make the best of the view as we travel ‘over the hill’ what might we put on our spiritual AGEnda that will help us work at growing old?
1. Open-ness – being real
‘Combat the denial of old age and death’ – most advertising to elders majors on denial – by covering up the effects of ageing, or promoting a sense of escapism!
But to best enjoy the view, being real about the stage of life we are at seems fundamental. Recognising that some hopes can no longer be realised – (for instance, I will never open the batting for England !) – does not mean new dreams cannot be envisaged, worked at and experienced…
In addition, encouraging open conversations with those who are accompanying us on our later life journeys is something we can do… It can be hard for family members to come on board – but they can take their lead from us… this can be true especially around end-of-life issues and ‘the will’!
2. Unfinished Business
‘Regrets, I had a few… but then again too few to mention’ – but you just did!
None of us are likely to have got to the period called ‘later life’ without having incurred hurts and sorrows or, equally, without having trodden on a few toes here and there. Of course not everything can be ‘undone’ – but some hurts can be healed – and ‘before it’s too late’ is a helpful watchword.
Unfinished business also includes the things as yet undone… This is the extension of ‘new dreams’ and – to extend the analogy – the task of ‘making new memories’, which is so important. The ‘over the hill journey’ is not just about remembering times past – the journey itself becomes the stuff of memories…For example, at a party for Charlotte’s 110th birthday, she commented that she had not had a passport until she was 100!
3. Encouraging Reflection & Depth
I mentioned Richard Rohr earlier. In his book Falling Upwards he writes this: “while the task of the first half of life is to create a proper container for one’s life, the task of the second half of life is to find the actual contents that this container was meant to hold and deliver.”
It’s another way of saying what Kierkegaard said: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
He also said: “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
Part of experiencing the ‘over the hill’ journey, if it is to be as full an experience as possible, has to include some reflection on what has gone before – that will arise from sorting our unfinished business anyway – but arriving at a sober understanding of what has been – and something of what it has been about – is important. As a Minister in the Methodist Church, I reflect on what it has been about and ask Whither the Church? Whither the Kingdom? This is reflected somewhat in this quote: “We all dimly feel that our transient historical identity is the only chance in all eternity to be alive as a somebody in a here and a now. We, therefore, dread the possibility, of which we are most aware when deeply young or very old, that at the end we may find that we have lived the wrong life or not really lived at all.” Erik Erikson
4. Landmarks – celebrations/marking them
Some may say ‘Any excuse for a party!’ Marking transitions is important and so is noting the milestones, such as reaching State Retirement age, or having lived 24000 days (as I did a few months ago) or 3 billion seconds (my Mum has recently achieved this). The journey uphill is marked by staging camps and so too is the journey down again, so we should take the time to stop and look around.
5. Intergenerational Community
When I retired I moved to live next door to my grandchildren! Brilliant move! But more than that – having awareness of the generation above and those below is another part of making sense of the ‘over the hill journey’. Being on touch with elders while you can… being available to those below too… It makes the journey a community and a communal event – “it’s not just about me!”
6. Maintaining Connection
In retiring and moving house, I was well aware of the connections that I cut. As a minister some of those were inevitable and right, and in the first few months there were many things which I rightly avoided as I tried to adjust to a new place and a new way of being me.
But maintaining connections in a changing world, a changing church, and a changed location are vital – especially to ward off loneliness, bitterness and a “it wasn’t like this in my day” attitude.
That’s my AGEnda – I am sure there are other things we could add – but the point outlined by Marie de Hennezel is the key – working at growing old, crafting what you can, repairing what you can, making sense of what you can.
I have never found the source of this final quotation – or indeed who Michael Guilford, to whom it is attributed, is! But I’m sure he is/was right.
“The only people who are old are those who think they have learnt all they need to know and have given up discovering. For the rest of us, each day reminds us of our ignorance and needles us towards discovering more, about ourselves and about life and death.”
Keep being needled – and make the most of the journey!
Pippa Bonner shares insights from her encounters as a Pastoral Worker with older people.
Adapted from a talk given by Pippa at our event on 26th April 2022 at Wheeler Hall, Leeds.
I am an older person (a younger older person, rather than an older, older person,) and a Catholic who retired a few years ago only to hear about a part time job in pastoral care. Now I work offering pastoral care to older women in a Nursing and Care Home. I am a widow with children and grandchildren. I come from a social work background, then moving to hospice work where I coordinated a Bereavement Service. At the same time I worked for a part time Masters Degree in Theology.
You might also like to know that I can knot balloons quickly, have a reasonable serve at tennis, and have found my singing voice improves with age. I dislike housework and gardening but love reading stories to my younger grandchildren.
There is nothing special in any of this because all older people gain experience in all sorts of ways, but I am ‘embracing the view’ of later life. However I have some hearing loss, cataracts and am being investigated for wobbly legs. All of these symptoms make me wonder, am I moving towards being ‘over the hill’ ?
What is special are some of the encounters I have had with older people, (older than me), which illustrate their faith, their wisdom, grace, courage and humour despite their losses, pain, vulnerability and, in some cases, dementia.
‘Models of Ageing’ and Unexpected Encounters
I have encountered great models of ageing as people patiently adjust to a new pain or a decrease in mobility. However, next day they may feel frustrated or anxious.
Older peoples’ situations can vary from day to day. I have learnt about encountering people in the moment and trying to respond in that moment. Some people like structure, planning and appointments, which I honour too, but others no longer do. They want to talk NOW.
I find I often can respond in the moment. Tomorrow, later in the day, the moment may have passed.
In my parish community I am encouraged and comforted by some of the parishioners in their 90s who come to Mass and other events. At least three who live alone near the church, walk to Mass using walking frames or sticks. Priests and people come and go but these three represent for me the faith, love, humour, highs and lows, and gritty persistence in the life of the Parish. I know they have bad days too, but they are an inspiration. We all know people like these: strong models of living life, however tough it is (who would be very embarrassed to be described like this!)
I also want to give a few examples that were unexpected gifts for me, of older, older people who may be viewed by some as being over the hill. But are they?
For example, one woman with dementia often has disturbing thoughts some of which are delusional and paranoid. It is distressing for her and those around her.
However, a while ago she said to me, in a clear moment, that when she gets wound up sometimes poetry helps her to unwind. So, I and others read poetry with her for short periods. Sometimes she reads familiar poetry she learned at school.
She also started to fear going out. On a lovely sunny spring afternoon recently, I took her out in a wheelchair. She pointed out to me the bird song and we enjoyed the flowers. We sang songs. One of them was “Row, row, row your boat “and I realised that the walking stick she insisted on clutching in the wheelchair had become the oar of our boat as we travelled past daffodils and even a butterfly in the March sunshine. She soon went back to feeling distressed but she had had some respite from her disturbing thoughts and we saw her transient enjoyment.
Another woman with dementia had lived a contemplative religious life for many years. At the end of her life she was mostly silent but had a wonderful smile. She was an example of one aspiration of older age: “being rather than doing”. Despite her dementia I and many others were aware of her deep spirituality.
One of her favourite expressions before she lost most of her speech (though she would still sing) was “Oh, how lovely!” Sometimes, I would sit with her in silence, holding her hand. I felt so much strength coming from her. It restored me and seemed to comfort her as she smiled.
Similarly, another resident who had advanced dementia had been a very gifted teacher, writer and Spiritual Director. Part of my role in the Care Home is to facilitate a monthly Discussion Group. We were going to be discussing Pope Francis’ document, Laudato Si which is about the world and creation. I had gone with her around the garden.
Suddenly she was praising the flowers and trees around her in a deep reflective, beautiful way. As soon as our walk was over, I wrote down what she had said and added it to the handout we were using. She came to the discussion and saw the piece she had said in the garden.
She joyfully read it aloud then and later in the session she read it again! Everyone was pleased to see a strong glimpse of the previous person they had known. Her joy and the pleasure of the other residents seeing her joy and a reminder of her work was a gift to all of us.
Embracing the View – with it’s beauty, light and dark patches
It goes without saying that I have also encountered deep pain and distress in my pastoral work. Older people may feel they are encountering numerous losses in their life: bereavement and other losses of health, independence and agency. For some older, older people their lives are punctuated by so many adjustments to new losses (not necessarily deaths), pain and changes in their daily lives that the process of finding some kind of equilibrium can be a recurring challenge.
People usually find that resilience means not blocking out the emotional pain, but living with it, and in time, finding altered ways of living.
All of us can listen, support and accompany people at particular times. Compassion is literally about staying “with the passion”, the passing or pain, of the moment.
How can we continue to find hope, faith and perseverance? How can we embrace the view? Those of us who are older may have less physical strength but have life experience to know when we are managing, need some support or where we can continue to support others around us.
Ageing, whether as a younger older person or an older, older person, seems to mean adjusting to new ways of managing how we feel, how we cope and experience new hurdles and happy times, often all at once. We embrace the view with its beauty, light and its dark patches.
The Mass is an important part of many Catholics’ lives, particularly older Catholics. For many people with dementia, Mass remains important in some way. Often the words, rhythms, actions and hymns are recalled and people may join in for a time. One woman sometimes bursts into tears when the words of Jesus’ death are mentioned, but she can also become loudly ecstatic at the consecration. These are unfiltered, undiluted responses which teach us all to value what is happening. We should be grief stricken or ecstatic at the same moments, but repetition and an adult sense of decorum can get in the way.
Growing Old Grace-fully became aware during the Covid lockdown how some older people preferred watching Mass or other church services online. People could choose a priest or church or time that suited them, and could participate from a comfortable, familiar armchair rather than journey to church. Some could hear the homily better. Growing Old Grace-fully hope that some streamed Masses will continue.
So, are we or others embracing the view or over the hill? I think we can only answer for ourselves.
I have often noticed that people who society might deem as being “over the hill”, appear to meas having moments of great understanding, wisdom, joy and vision.
Pippa finished her talk by reciting this poem:
Taking Communion to Jennifer by Fr Michael McCarthy From his collection of poems ‘The Bright Room’ published in 2018.
I find her in good form.
We chat awhile, then move on to pray.
As we make our way through the Our Father
I sense a presence in the space behind me.
Concentrating on the moment, I continue:
Lord I am not worthy that you should enterUnder my roof…As she receives the host
A warm breath caresses the back of my neck.
Turning, I see an elderly resident in slippers
Her face stricken. A single sob escapes from her.
Placing a hand on her forehead I say the blessing.
Her full-on smile radiates down the length of my arm
Something is unlocked in us.
If you would like to discuss how Growing Old Grace-fully might help support older people in your parish then please visit our contact page here and get in touch.
