Category: Growing Older

‘Dementia Action and Awareness’ online workshop Sat 22nd May 2pm

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Want to deepen your knowledge about Dementia?

At this event you will hear firsthand the story of someone living with dementia and the story of a carer of a person living with dementia, followed by a choice of interesting workshops.

Leeds Caritas and partners (Dementia Friendly Forum) have organised this event as part of Dementia Action Week to explore the experiences of those living with dementia, and ways in which we can support them in church and everyday life.

Growing Old Gracefully is pleased to be involved in the planning and running of this important event.

Programme:

  • Short Liturgy
  • Voice of a person living with Dementia
  • Voice of a Carer
  • Break out rooms/workshops (you can choose from one of the following):
  1. Dementia Awareness
  2. Types of Communication with people living with dementia
  3. Dementia and Faith
  4. Current Dementia Campaigns
  5. Advanced Care Planning
  • Plenary
  • Where to find out more online
  • Call to Action

TO ATTEND PLEASE EMAIL GREGORY STACEY BY 19th MAY AT gregory.stacey@dioceseofleeds.org.uk and state your first and second choices for the workshop topics above. Thank you.

Readings from our ‘Remembering with Hope’ service

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‘Remembering with Hope’ – a service held on Tuesday 23rd March 2021 to commemorate loved ones

We felt it was important to mark the date of the start of the first lockdown with a reflective service giving space to remember those we know who had passed away over the last year (whatever the reason), not forgetting others that have passed away in previous years. This also tied in with the National Day of Reflection on that day.

A team of us at the Elizabeth Prout Bereavement Care (The Briery) and Growing Old Grace-fully joined together to plan and hold this online service and time of sharing

There were 47 people at the service, we spent an hour together with a varied programme including readings, reflective silence, break out rooms to share about loved ones, and an act of remembrance whilst watching a video of the Remembrance Tree made for us by the sisters at The Briery.

Whether you were there on the night or not, we would like to share the readings with you for your own meditations

You can read them here on the screen or download a PDF for printing here:

Readings-from-Remembering-with-HopeDownload
‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. 
You trust in God, trust also in me.
In my Father's house 
there are many places to live in..’
John 14:1,2

Psalm 42 : 1-8

As a deer yearns for running streams, so I yearn for you, my God.

I thirst for God, the living God; when shall I go to see the face of God?

I have no food but tears day and night, as all day long I am taunted, ‘Where is your God?’

This I remember as I pour out my heart, how I used to pass under the roof of the Most High, used to go to the house of God, among cries of joy and praise, the sound of the feast.

Why be so downcast, why all these sighs? 
Hope in God! I will praise him still, my Saviour, my God…

Deep is calling to deep by the roar of your cataracts, your waves and breakers have rolled over me.

In the daytime God sends his faithful love, and even at night; the song it inspires in me is a prayer to my living God.

Why so downcast, why all these sighs? 
Hope in God! I will praise him still, my Saviour, my God.

‘Wait, Wait on Our God’ by Jan Berry

Taken from ‘Let Justice Roll Down’ compiled by Geoffrey Duncan.

When the land is dry and barren,
Reduced to degraded dust,
Wait for God to restore life,
Bringing growth for our emptiness.

Wait, Wait on Our God,
Keep vigil, keep faith,
For hope comes in the morning

When the city is derelict,
with boarded- up windows and abandoned cars,
wait for God to restore its vitality
Bringing anger to our numbness

Wait, Wait on Our God,
Keep vigil, keep faith,
For hope comes in the morning

When we are numbed with grief,
raw pain breaking the monotony,
wait for God’s tender touch
bringing comfort for our healing 

Wait, Wait on Our God,
Keep vigil, keep faith,
For hope comes in the morning.

Psalm 23 (responsorial)

The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.

The Lord is my shepherd;
there is nothing I shall want.
Fresh and green are the pastures
where he gives me repose.
Near restful waters he leads me
to revive my drooping spirit.

The Lord is my shepherd,
there is nothing I shall want.

He guides me along the right path;
He is true to his name.
If I should walk in the valley of darkness
no evil would I fear.
You are there with your crook and your staff;
with these you give me comfort

The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.

You have prepared a banquet for me
in the sight of my foes.
My head you have anointed with oil;
my cup is overflowing.

The Lord is my shepherd,
there is nothing I shall want.

Surely goodness and kindness shall follow me
all the days of my life.
In the Lord’s own house shall I dwell
for ever and ever.

The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.

Hymn: On Eagles Wings

Words and Music: Michael Joncas, OCP © 1979.

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord
Who abide in His shadow for life
Say to the Lord, “My refuge, my rock in whom I trust!“

And He will raise you up
on eagles’ wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand

The snare of the fowler will never capture you
And famine will bring you no fear
Under His wings your refuge, His faithfulness your shield

And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand

You need not fear the terror of the night
Nor the arrow that flies by day
Though thousands fall about you, near you it shall not come

And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand

For to His angels He’s given a command
To guard you in all of your ways
Upon their hands they will bear you up
Lest you dash your foot against a stone

And He will raise you up
on eagles’ wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand

And hold you, hold you in the palm of His hand.

Links to Helpful Agencies:

Here are a few links that might be helpful to you or your friends and family:

Grief and Loss Service (West Yorks and Harrogate): 

Ring 0808 1963833 or connect online 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week

Cruse Bereavement Care Helpline (National)

Ring 0808 808 1677 (click link to see opening times)​

The Art of Dying Well – this Catholic website has many helpful pages and videos, including some on Coping with Bereavement and Grief

Living with Loss – an insightful website by Abi May with articles on grief including how our faith may be affected.

Many more helpful links from Leeds Bereavement Forum can be found HERE and HERE

May you know God’s presence with you
all along your journey of loss and remembrance.

Download a printable PDF of these Readings here:

Readings-from-Remembering-with-HopeDownload

THE GATE OF THE YEAR

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‘God Knows’

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.
And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.[3]

By Minnie Louise Haskins 1875 – 1957

Advent Leaflet and other Advent Resources

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In order to once again bring some encouragement to those who are unable or less likely to access the internet, we have produced and printed a short Advent Reflections Leaflet and sent copies out to nearly 200 people on our mailing list.

Please do enjoy using or sharing this electronic version of the Leaflet by downloading and printing, or viewing page by page on your screen:

Advent Leaflet finalDownload printable leaflet

Note: you will need to print this in landscape, and if double-sided, choose ‘flip on short edge’.

Advent-Leaflet-final-page-viewDownload to view on screen

Use this version to see a page by page view.

Other Advent Resources

Visit Emmaus Productions for lots of reflective videos for Advent in a time of pandemic. There are some for children as well.

Listen to 45 minutes of Advent Hymns with Organ Music

Lots of lovely resources on the Loyola Press website too.

I am sure you will find may other resources and reflections to help you ‘prepare the Way’ during the rest of Advent. ‘He is coming!’

‘The Age of Ageing Better?; A Manifesto for our future’ a book by Anna Dixon

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This newly published book takes a radically different view of what our aging society means. Dr Anna Dixon turns the misleading and depressing narrative of burden and massive extra cost of people living longer on its head and provides a refreshingly optimistic view of how everyone could enjoy a better later life.

This book shines a spotlight on how as a society we’re failing to respond to aging–and what needs to change to ensure later lives become better for everyone. Examining key areas of society that need to change; including health, financial security, where and how people live, and social connections, Anna Dixon presents a strongly optimistic picture of how thinking differently could change the way we value later life in every sense.

About the Author Dr Anna Dixon is the Chief Executive of the Centre for Ageing Better, an independent charitable foundation that brings about change for people in later life today and for future generations. Anna joined Ageing Better from the Department of Health and Social Care where she was Director of Strategy and Chief Analyst.

On their website, The Centre for Ageing Better introduces the book by saying:

‘One in three babies born today will live to 100. In less than 20 years, one in four people will be over 65. This has huge implications for our society – for our communities, our jobs, our homes, and our health.’

‘The ‘population pessimists’ tell us that this age shift is a disaster – that it will bankrupt our economy, and heap pressure on our NHS. Newspapers paint older people as ‘selfish boomers’, hoarding wealth and opportunity. Society tells us that getting older is something to be afraid of.’

‘In this book, Anna Dixon tackles these pessimistic views head-on. She shows that our longer lives are a huge opportunity. Drawing on many years’ experience in the health sector, as well as interviews with experts and policymakers, ‘The Age of Ageing Better?’ sets out the radical changes needed to ensure no-one misses out on a good later life.’

Anna and Matthew Taylor, Chief Executive of the RSA, discussed the book’s themes in a live event.  You can watch the recording of the event HERE

Growing Old Gracefully with Gratitude

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Cicero, a great orator in Greece at 106-43 BC told the world about the potential in Gratitude thousands of years ago and we can benefit hugely from his advice in the 21st Century!

What did he gift to us?  He taught us about the happiness that we can create and enjoy if we build Gratitude into our life.

What is it that can be so valuable about Gratitiude?

It is the feelings of joy, excitement, appreciation, warmth, satisfaction we can build into our contact with other human beings. In our interactions with our contacts, as we meet and speak with our families, our friends, our partners, our colleagues or whoever, we have the opportunity to make them feel happy and positive about themselves, and also create enjoyment in ourselves as we convey or experience gratitude from our exchange.

Gratitude between people can enrich, can inform, can promise, can inspire, can forgive, can please.

Experiencing gratitude has the power to make us and others happier about how we work, about our exchanges, about our and their achievements, our and their kindness, and their shared experiences. No wonder Cicero’s thought can provide the greatest of all human experiences.       

What can we be Grateful for ? Here are some ways in which some people build gratitude into their life – the examples below are some ways that different people have described how they have experienced feelings of gratitude:

This list of course can be endless because each of us, in our unique life, can have many things to appreciate and be grateful for, even if sometimes we can be more conscious of our problems than our joys. What would you want to add to this list of things that you have been especially grateful for ? 

Some people have found that gratitude is such an attractive element for them in their life that they build it into a daily habit. One way of doing this is by keeping a gratitude diary. Keeping such a diary can be a way of requiring our thoughts of gratitude to become part of our everyday life.

It can simply be a special diary or note book which they can use daily or weekly to note moments of gratitude that build up special memories. The owner of the diary can start their entry with “today I am grateful for …………….” and build up a history of positive moments in an everyday life. Some diary users have a special time (say their final act in the evening before bed?). Some use their entry for special people (“ I was especially grateful today for my mother or a special friend…………………etc.)

What can be helpful is to think about what is special in terms of each day’s gratitude and remind yourself of its importance and what it means to you ! 

One older person who celebrated their 82nd birthday turned it into a celebration of gratitude by this list of “Thank you’s”

  • “Thank you for sharing my celebration – I am very grateful you are here
  • “I have reached the age of 82 and have had many great friends who made my life very lucky and special in that time”
  • “I am grateful …….to have had great parents and grandparents who were never wealthy but gave me a great start in life.”
  • “I am grateful……….that 55 years ago I was introduced to a girl called Margaret and we are still a pair
  • “I am grateful  ……. that I have 6 very grown-up children who have given me lots of happiness (and a few challenges at times !) and now give me 12 grandchildren who make me very happy
  • “I am grateful …..that I have longstanding friends in north and south who are loyal and great company
  • “I am grateful …. that we have enjoyed walking and travelling and are still able to do some of that
  • “I am grateful ….. we have had a house that we bought very cheaply some 50 years ago and we can still live in it
  • “I am grateful ….. that you made my birthday very special by being here

“Gratitude is infectious and contagious. It builds on peoples’ strengths and generosity. It creates well-being and even happiness. It is hugely valuable and important”

Anonymous

‘Here is a one-sentence formula for becoming a grateful person:

Think, Speak, and Act like a grateful person does’.

Rabbi Zelig Pilskin in his book ‘Thank you!: Gratitude: Formulas, Stories and Insights’

Michael Scally is from Leeds, born on Halton Moor; he taught for many years and is the author of  a number of books with Barrie Hopson including ‘Build your own Rainbow’ and ‘Lifeskills Teaching‘. He is now gratefully retired.

The impact of Covid-19 on 50-70 year olds – from the Centre for Ageing Better

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A new report by Ipsos MORI and the Centre for Ageing Better shines a light on the impact lockdown has had on those aged 50-70, revealing dramatic changes to people’s lives and their plans for the future.  

The interesting short video above is a compilation of clips from people describing their own experiences, both negative and positive.

To watch some more short videos on specific aspects of the impact of Covid-19 such as health, housing and work, see this playlist on their Youtube channel

Ageing Better held a recent webinar focussing on the Neighbourhood Networks in Leeds and Birmingham – see the one hour recording HERE

This was one in a series of webinars entitled ‘Road to Recovery’. The next one is on Weds 12th August and will explore ‘Bridging the Digital Divide’, again including speakers from Leeds.

The Centre for Ageing Better is working hard to highlight the issues facing older people in the recovery phase after Covid-19 – see their website for more details.

‘A Moment of Revelation’ by a Diocesan priest

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The other day I was advised that I needed a routine chest x-ray (not COVID-19 related). The nearest available hospital was in the centre of Leeds.  Driving myself into the business of the city from the outskirts was a bit of a novelty.

Until the March lockdown, I had enjoyed an active priestly life which involved ministry to an enclosed community of religious sisters, prison chaplaincy and some committee work but not parish involvement.  I live, therefore, in an independent flat. I am 74 years old and preparing for retirement in August. I am the owner of 2 arterial stents, 3 by-pass arteries and more recently a cardiac pacemaker.

As a vulnerable older person I was instructed to self-isolate in my home. It has made obvious sense for me to keep the rules. Other than daily exercise and the odd minor infraction, I have stayed at home, isolated from the general commerce of daily life. Even my shopping has been done by two very kind friends.

Thus a trip into Leeds was a novelty which at first felt quite daunting. However I soon got into the swing of it. Everything went well and it was the most straightforward outpatient appointment, I think I have ever had. It felt good to become again part of daily life with nurses, doctors and patients all moving about their business as if they were nothing too unusual happening in the world.

As I drove back I tuned in to radio 5L, as I have so often done in times past. And then suddenly, as if the clock had been turned back, I experienced a strange and powerful feeling of being young and energetic again. It quite startled me to realise that three months of isolation and constant news bulletins of sickness and death had imperceptibly given me a sense of having aged.

That revelatory experience has caused me to ponder and wonder what might be the connection between isolation and a sense of ageing.

One of the things I have struggled with during enforced separation from the world, is a sense of purpose. What is the meaning of life if one is all locked up and nowhere to go! What should I do with the day. Like everyone, in the beginning I busied myself with emptying an overflowing in-tray and answering overdue correspondence. But gradually when most of those loose ends were dealt with the question surfaced  – “what is it all about Alfie?” this life locked in doors.

Then the words of Jesus to St. Peter after the resurrection began to resonate.     “But when you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and somebody else will   put a belt around you and take you where you would rather not go. “

Though I am blessed with my faculties, both physical and mental, I seem somehow, during isolation, to have lost some independence. Now I must wait for the Government to tell me what is safe and what is not safe, what I can and what I mustn’t do. The belt feels to have been tied around me.

Seeing, each morning, the younger residents of the complex of flats where I live, setting off to gainful employment, seeing the key workers organising things in the supermarket car park opposite and watching the delivery men and the refuse collectors keeping the wheels of life turning, made me feel as though I do not quite belong to the world.  It has created a sense of separation with a resulting sense of unimportance!

It would appear that these three personal experiences of self-isolation have unwittingly left me feeling older.  It makes me wonder will I retire well, – a very pertinent question since my retirement may very well proceed my liberation from lockdown.

What I am very conscious of is that my admiration for the many housebound people older or younger, who manage to stay young at heart, has grown. It is to them I must turn for wisdom and guidance so that lockdown doesn’t rob me, prematurely of a youthful outlook.

Is there a better way to die?

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This interesting article from the Guardian explores the subject of drawing up end-of-life wishes and how the virus may be changing our attitude to death.

Peter Hallgarten, who survived a serious case of coronavirus. He and his wife decided 10 years ago to put together their end-of-life wishes (living wills), including a DNR (do not resuscitate order).

The article sates: ‘…Suddenly, death is all around … Everyone knows someone who has been touched. As a result, people are not only having intimations of their own mortality; more of them are thinking about how they want to die; of what they want to avoid in the way of intervention and what they would hope for, too, given the choice. Interest in advance directives, the documents often referred to as living wills, has grown dramatically during the pandemic….’

Read the Article

For more information on end-of-life wishes and related issues, see the websites below:

Find out about ReSPECT, a process which creates a personalised recommendation for your clinical care in emergency situations
A Catholic website with many useful articles about the end of life.

Loss and Resilience in Older Age

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How can we understand our reactions and responses to the current time?

This coronavirus pandemic is a strange, roller coaster time of ups and downs in our daily lives. We are very likely worried about others and ourselves, on alert, and at the same time want distraction and any good news stories. Maybe our routines and immediate plans are currently up in the air……

Yet we live in the same place with the same view out of the window and with the same community around us. How much of our daily lives have changed and for how long? This coronavirus pandemic will pass. We live in a country with a National Health Service that is free, staffed with skilled hard-working doctors, nurses, carers and other valued, dedicated staff. Staff and supplies are under pressure but we are perhaps relieved we live in the UK.  We will also be concerned about our sisters and brothers worldwide. We are told news every day. This is a mixture (currently in March) of worsening statistics, news stories of dedicated work by medical and local authorities, communities singing and exercising from balconies and lots of other creative ways to stay connected and fit, despite this new term “social distancing.” Some of us are rationing our intake of worrying news. We may also be hearing heart-warming stories and seeing cartoons that make us smile.

Life’s Ups and Downs

Many of us are feeling all kinds of emotions. Some remember previous national and personal hard times. We know from life experience that we have mostly weathered and come through loss of many kinds: family, health, money and work difficulties, ruptured relationships, uncertainties and unexpected challenges. We have also experienced many positive aspects in our lives, and more to come!

And… we have got through to where we are now. Some have had a lifetime of raising families, years of work, acquiring skills and knowledge, having periods of happiness and fulfilment and may on the whole be mostly satisfied about the small and large contributions we have made, and in some ways continue to make to others.

However, at present we may find our mood and outlook changes during the day so that we are experiencing ups and downs. I have just spoken to my 90 year old mother a hundred miles away. She spent the morning reading (in her view) a depressing newspaper article about future country finances and then sat in the sunshine in her garden enjoying the flowers. This morning I felt anxious listening to the news, but then listened to The Archers and went out for my daily walk and saw the daffodils, looking colourful and beautiful whatever is going on around them despite the earlier floods. They flower every year whatever is happening!

We may be worried about our families and friends. Are they well? Will they stay well? Will we manage to get our food and other requirements? Will those unable to work have enough money to manage, jobs to go back to and have time and space for their children to do some schoolwork, have some fun and ways of releasing their energy? Will teenagers and others facing external exams be supported through the next few months and through the next academic and life changes in their lives?

And how do we find peace and distraction when we need that? We have the wisdom and experience of older age to know how we cope in difficult times. Perhaps we pray more and find our religious belief helpful and then we can cry out in our own way: why is this happening to me and to them? Sometimes we doubt our religious faith. Do we have the resilience to cope with this uncertainty? How long will this last? Will we stay well?

I worked for many years supporting people through bereavement and loss, and to a limited extent I still do! You may wonder why I am mentioning loss. We may currently be fearing loss or bereavement or worry about change and having to live a different life for the moment. Our routines and networks are disrupted. We may be grieving for the freedom to go out and meet others or have visitors calling round. We wonder about people’s jobs, and anxieties about paying bills, rents and mortgages, Perhaps we have “lost” our peace of mind?

 A Loss, Change and Bereavement Model

One of the most useful, enduring bereavement and loss models, in my view, is from Stroebe and Schut that focuses on how we each individually may respond to loss, bereavement and change, including a changed perception of our current life and the world around us. You may be familiar with it. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t. After many years of offering it to people I have learnt a number of points:

  1. You are the person who knows best how you think and feel and you are the expert in that, even if at times it doesn’t seem like that. Others can try to empathise with how you think and feel. 
  2. There are two main types of responses we may find we are using, as follows:

a) FEELINGS – You may respond to loss, change and bereavement by feeling sad, panic, angry, guilty, disorientated and experience a number of emotions. You may be very aware of feelings and trying to work through your emotions of loss.

b) MANAGING & PLANNING – You may be someone who manages loss, bereavement and the perception of a changing world by trying to plan and manage it, allowing yourself to plan for the future, be distracted and sometimes even deny to yourself it is happening.

3.  Neither of these ways are either right or wrong – the way of feeling the emotions, or the way of planning a way through – they are both alright and are just how they are.

4. We are all different but you may encounter some difficulty if you get stuck  either with only feeling the feelings or only trying to cope and plan too much.

5. We usually learn to oscillate, move between, expressing emotion and working towards a future. So, a mixture of both a) feeling the feeling and b) managing the situation towards the future is needed, so this is not an “either/or” but a “both and” way of dealing with our lives. That is why it can seem like a roller coaster experience: up and down.

We all have our existing losses and now with Coronavirus we are dealing with the anxiety of the immediate future. This can compound the feeling of loss for us depending on the losses we are already experiencing.

Resilience

An important point to offer is that those working with people who are experiencing the challenges and positives of everyday lives often use the word resilience. Here resilience isn’t defined as being brave and positive all the time. What is meant here, in my view, is that a resilient person is one that can hold the difficult and positive stuff together and continue in their lives.

We all have ups and downs but in older age we have usually realised that we have come through a lot of life and can hold what we have experienced from the good times and the challenging experiences at the same time. So we are usually quite resilient even when it doesn’t feel like it!

Let us keep supporting each other through this in whatever way we can. When this corona virus time comes to an end we can look back together and see how we came through!

Pippa Bonner March 2020