“Do you remember?” How often have we said that to an old friend or perhaps a person we have worked with for many years. Shared memories mean a lot to us. And we enjoy sharing them. “Talking over old times” in the company of a friend can be a real pleasure. We meet once more those long gone people we both once knew. The “old times” were part of what made us the persons we now are.
It is one of the trials of growing old that, one by one, friends are lost. Fewer and fewer people can go back with us into the past of fifty or sixty years ago. With the loss of people who share our memories our own lives are in a way reduced and narrowed. The past has become a more remote land into which we can no longer venture in the company of trusted companions and fellow voyagers.
This loss of shared memory is almost inevitable in a the course of a long life. I find it a real trial but I tackle it in three stages, just as I would arthritic knees or forgetfulness. The three magic words are recognise, accept and adapt.
For a start we need to recognise that we have a problem. Otherwise it will be like a nagging tooth which we try to ignore. Then, having looked it in the face, we accept it is a natural feature of life as an older person. But how do we handle it? I find it helps me escape from the voices the past by trying really hard to live in the present. After all that is where we now are. And, as Christians, we still have so much to look forward to. So, remember the past with affection, enjoy the present with appreciation and await the future with trust.
Fr John Dunne has just celebrated his ordination Diamond Jubilee.